My Wife is a Most Knowing Woman

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Melody - Stephen C. Foster, 1863; Seq. by Werner Tomaschewski
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George Cooper, 1863

My wife is a most knowing woman,
She always is finding me out,
She never will hear explanations
But instantly puts me to rout,
Thereís no use to try to deceive her,
If out with my friends, night or day,
In the most inconceivable manner
She tells where Iíve been right away,
She says that Iím "mean" and "inhuman"
Oh! my wife is a most knowing woman.

2. She would have been hung up for witchcraft
If she had lived sooner, I know,
Thereís no hiding any thing from her,
She knows what I do Ė where I go;
And if I come in after midnight
And say "I have been to the lodge,"
Oh, she says while she flies in fury,
"Now donít think to play such a dodge!
Itís all very fine, but wont do, man,"
Oh, my wife is a most knowing woman.

3. Not often I go to dinner
And come home a little "so so,"
I try to creep up through the hall-way,
As still as a mouse, on tip-toe,
Sheís sure to be waiting up for me
And then comes a nice little scene,
"What, you tell me youíre sober, you wretch you,
Now donít think that I am so green!
My life is quite worn out with you, man,"
Oh, my wife is a most knowing woman!

4. She knows me much better than I do,
Her eyes are like those of a lynx,
Though how she discovers my secrets
Is a riddle would puzzle a sphynx,
On fair days, when we go out walking,
If ladies look at me askance,
In the most harmless way, I assure you,
My wife gives me, oh! such a glance,
And says "all these insults youíll rue, man,"
Oh, my wife is a most knowing woman.

5. Yes, I must give all of my friends up
If I would live happy and quiet;
One might as well beíneath a tombstone
As live in confusion and riot.
This life we all know is a short one,
While some tongues are long, heaven knows,
And a miserable life is a husbands,
Who numbers his wife with his foes,
Iíll stay at home like a true man,
For my wife is a most knowing woman.

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