Barnacle Bill

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Melody -
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"| :Who's that knocking at my door? :|
Who's that knocking at my door?"
Said the fair young maiden.
It's only me from over the sea,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
My ass is tight, my temper's raw,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'm so wound up I'm afraid to stop,
I'm looking for meat or I'm going to pop,
A rag, a bone with a cherry on top,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

2. |: I'll come down and let you in, :|
I'll come down and let you in,
Said the fair young maiden.
Well, hurry before I bust the door,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor
I'm hard to windward and hard a-lee,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I've newly come upon the shore,
And this is what I'm looking for,
A jade, a maid, or even a whore,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

3. |: Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks, :|
Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks,
Said the fair young maiden.
I'm dirty and lousy and full of fleas,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor
I'll stick my mast in whom I please,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor
My flowing whiskers give me class,
The sea horses ate them instead of grass,
If they hurt your cheeks, they'll tickle your ass,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

4. |: Tell me that we'll soon be wed :|
Tell me that we'll soon be wed
Said the fair young maiden.
You foolish girl, it's nothing but sport,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor
I've got me a wife in every port,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor
Off I go on another tack
To give some other fair maid a crack,
But keep it oiled till I come back,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

or |: Who's that knocking at my door? :|
Who's that knocking at my door?
Said the fair young maiden
It's only me from over the sea,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I'm all lit up like a Christmas tree,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I've sailed the seas until I'm broke,
I drink and swear and gamble and smoke,
But I can't swim a bloody stroke,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

2. |: Are you young and handsome, sir? :|
Are you young and handsome, sir?
Said the fair young maiden.
I'm old and rough and ready and tough,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I never can get drunk enough,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I drinks my whisley when I can
Drinks it from an old tin pan,
For whiskey is the life of man,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

3. |: I'll come down and let you in, :|
I'll come down and let you in,
Said the fair young maiden.
Well hurry before I break the door,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I'll rip and rave and rant and roar,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I'll eat your cakes and I'll eat your pies,
I'll spin ye yarns and I'll tell ye lies,
I'll kiss your lips and I'll black your eyes,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

4. |: Tell me when we'll meet again, :|
Tell me when we'll meet again,
Said the fair young maiden.
Never again, we'll meet no more,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Tonite I'm sailing from this shore,
Says Barnacle Bill the sailor.
And if you wait here till Kingdom Come,
Sittin' and waitin' and suckin' yer thumb,
You'll be waiting here till the day of yer doom,
Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor.


These are the best watered-down versions (pun intended) that I could find. Special thanks to Jonathan Richards for the verses on the right-hand column.

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