A New-Year's Gift For The Rump

Melody -

Cavalier Ballad

You may have heard of the politique snout,
Or a tale of a tub with the bottom out,
But scarce of a Parliament in a dirty clout,
Which no body can deny.

2. 'Twas Atkins (1) first served this Rump in with mustard -
The sauce was a compound of courage and custard;
Sir Vane bless'd the creature, Noll snuffled and bluster'd,
Which no body can deny.

3. The right was as then in old Oliver's nose;
But when the Devil of that did dispose,
It descended from thence to the Rump in the close,
Which no body can deny.

4. Nor is it likely there to stay long,
The retentive faculties being gone,
The juggle is stale, and money there's none,
Which no body can deny.

5. The secluded members made a trial
To enter, but them the Rump did defy all
By the ordinance of self-denial,
Which no body can deny.

6. Our politique doctors do us teach
That a blood-sucking red-coat's as good as a leech
To relieve the head, if applied to the breech,
Which no body can deny.

7. But never was such a worm as Vane;
When the State scour'd last, it voided him then,
Yet now he's crept into the Rump again,
Which no body can deny.

8. Ludlow's f(art) was a prophetique trump (2)
(There never was anything so jump),
'Twas the very type of a vote of this Rump,
Which no body can deny.

9. They say 'tis good luck when a body rises
With the rump upward, but he that advises
To live in that posture is none of the wisest,
Which no body can deny.

10. The reason is worse, though the rime be untoward,
When things proceed with the wrong end forward;
But they say there's sad news to the Rump from the Nor'ward; (3)
Which no body can deny.

11. 'Tis a wonderfull thing, the strength of that part;
At a blast it will take you a team from a cart,
And blow a man's head away with a f(art),
Which no body can deny.

12. When our brains are sunck below the middle,
And our consciences steer'd by the hey-down-diddle,
Then things will go round without a fiddle,
Which no body can deny.

13. You may order the city with hand-granado,
Or the generall with a bastonado, -
But no way for a Rump like a carbonado,
Which no body can deny.

14. To make us as famous in council as wars,
Here's Lenthal a speaker for mine -
And Fleetwood is a man of Mars,
Which no body can deny.

15. 'Tis pitty that Nedham's (4) fall'n into disgrace,
For he orders a bum with a marvellous grace,
And ought to attend the Rump by his place,
Which no body can deny.

16. Yet this in spight of all disasters,
Although he hath broken the heads of his masters,
'Tis still his profession to give 'em all plasters,
Which no body can deny.

17. The Rump's an old story, if well understood;
'Tis a thing dress'd up in a Parliament's hood,
And like 't, but the tayl stands where the head should,
Which no body can deny.

18. 'Twould make a man scratch where it does not itch,
To see forty fools' heads in one politique breech,
And that, hugging the nation, as the devil did the witch;
Which no body can deny.

19. From rotten members preserve our wives!
From the mercy of a Rump, our estates and our lives!
For they must needs go whom the Devil drives,
Which no body can deny.

(1) Alderman Atkins.

(2) Ludlow was well known as a staunch Republican. The incident alluded to was a subject of much merriment, and exercised the pen of some of the choicest poets of the latter half of the seventeenth century. - T. W.

(3) Lambert, with his army, was in the North, and amid the contradictory intelligence which daily came in, we find some people who, according to Pepys, spread reports that Lambert was gaining strength. - T. W.

(4) Marchamont Nedham.

"The condition of the State was thus: viz. the Rump, after being disturbed by my Lord Lambert, was lately returned to sit again. The officers of the army all forced to yield. Lawson lies still in the river, and Monk is with his army in Scotland.
Only my Lord Lambert is not yet come in to the Parliament, nor is it expected that he will without being forced to it. The new Common Council of the city do speak very high; and had sent to Monk their sword- bearer to acquaint him with their desires for a free and full Parliament, which is at present the desires, and the hopes, and the expectations of all.
Twenty-two of the old secluded members having been at the House-door the last week to demand entrance, but it was denied them; and it is believed that neither they nor the people will be satisfied till the House be filled." Pepys' Diary, January, 1660.

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