Old Wichet and His Wife

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Melody -
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Traditional ballad

O! I went into the stable, and there for to see,
And there I saw three horses stand, by one, by two, and by three;
O! I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she;
O! what do these three horses here, without the leave of me?
Why, you old fool! blind fool! can't you very well see,
These are three milking cows my mother sent to me?
Ods bobs! well done! milking cows with saddles on!
The like was never known!
Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home!

2. O! I went into the kitchen, and there for to see,
And there I saw three swords hang, by one, by two, quoth she;
O! I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!'
O! what do these three swords do here, without the leave of me?
Why, you old fool! blind fool! can't you very well see,
These are three roasting spits my mother sent to me?
Ods bobs! well done! roasting spits with scabbards on!
The like was never known!
Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home!

3. O! I went into the parlour, and there for to see,
And there I saw three cloaks hang, by one, by two, and by three;
O! I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she;
O! what do these three cloaks do here, without the leave of me?
Why, you old fool! blind fool! can't you very well see,
These are three mantuas my mother sent to me?
Ods bobs! well done! mantuas with capes on!
The like was never known!
Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home!

4. O! I went into the pantry, and there for to see,
And there I saw three pair of boots, by one, by two, and by three;
O! I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she;
O! what do these three pair of boots here, without the leave of me?
Why, you old fool! blind fool! can't you very well see,
These are three pudding-bags my mother sent to me?
Ods bobs! well done! pudding-bags with spurs on!
The like was never known!
Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home!

5. O! I went into the dairy, and there for to see,
And there I saw three hats hang, by one, by two, and by three;
O! I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she;
Pray what do these three hats here, without the leave of me?
Why, you old fool! blind fool! can't you very well see,
These are three skimming-dishes my mother sent to me?
Ods bobs! well done! skimming-dishes with hat-bands on!
The like was never known!
Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home!

6. O! I went into the chamber, and there for to see,
And there I saw three men in bed, by one, by two, and by three;
O! I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she;
O! what do these three men here, without the leave of me?
Why, you old fool! blind fool! can't you very well see,
They are three milking-maids my mother sent to me?
Ods bobs! well done! milking-maids with beards on!
The like was never known!
Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home!


This song was popular in the North of England, and, when sung with humour, never failed to elicit roars of laughter.

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